When You Just Don’t Understand
(Luke 9:37-45, Luke 18:31-34, Proverbs 9:10)
They hoped she’d have more time.
That the journey through her difficult diagnosis would be easier.
Less direct.
So much of the scene at her bedside feels familiar.
A little too familiar.
I’m not sure how I ended up here with relatively new friends at such a private moment, but here I am.
Praying and weeping right along with them.
On the way out her husband grabs my hand, slows my steps.
And my heart.
“I don’t understand why it’s going so fast. I just don’t understand . . .” he trails off.
Maybe he’s looking for me to answer, but I doubt it.
Instead, I suspect he just needs to give voice to what makes no sense to him.
To express that feeling of being strapped into the seat of a speeding train that just won’t slow no matter how hard he pulls the emergency cord.
To release, like the safety valve on that steam engine, some of the pressure within.
Pssssssss . . . .
Sometimes what lands in our laps makes about zero sense.
Things are not working out according to our Plan A.
Or B.
Or even C.
Maybe you’ve been there.
Trying to process a difficult reality without a whole lot of success.
If so, you are not alone.
Twice in Luke’s Gospel Jesus gathers His disciples around Him.
To prepare them for what lies ahead in Jerusalem.
Twice reality just doesn’t compute.
they couldn’t make heads or tails of it . . .
(Luke 9:45,18:34 MSG)
Maybe we all struggle sometimes with trying to wrap our heads around what feels un-understandable.
But what intrigues me about these parallel episodes is that the explanation in both cases is that understanding is hidden from them.
Which is puzzling at first, until Solomon weighs in:
Understanding begins with knowing God.
(Proverbs 9:10 ICB)
Considering the things of life we don’t understand in the light of who God is and His understanding of us.
I picture the disciples scratching their heads, trying to square the reality before them with their Plan A’s.
And Jesus, deeply in love with them, leaning in.
To shield their fragile hearts.
Because He knows this about His creation:
Sometimes the human mind just can’t process what the human heart isn’t ready to hear.
Two years out from what I couldn’t understand then, I understand now in bits and pieces.
But only bits and pieces.
For the most part I still don’t understand why my Plan A didn’t pan out.
But I hear God’s invitation to understand what I can when I can.
And trust Him with what I can’t.
But mostly, just to trust Him with me.
Maybe someday I’ll understand it all, but probably not.
And that has to be okay.
Because part of knowing God is knowing that He does understand.
Our circumstances, their outcomes, our futures . . . and us.
In the darkest nights, when nothing at all makes sense, perhaps one of His greatest mercies is this:
We were never meant to understand everything that falls into our laps.
But to leave every “I just don’t understand . . .” in the hands of the One who does.
Trusting Him to be gentle with our fragile hearts and minds.
See you in a couple weeks.
Love,
What wonderful insight and wisdom and advice… To trust the one who does understand. Thank you my friend One good thing about getting really old is finally learning that you don’t have to have all the answers!
I think you DO have most of the answers!!!
Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. It’s easy to find myself journeying right along side you. Blessings!
I love that image of us journeying together, Van!
Thank you so much! This message speaks to my life’s experiences. I have Proverbs 3: 5-6 on the wall above my sink. I read it everyday, some days many times!
I am glad to know I am not alone in still wanting to understand. I am learning to pray it into God’s hands🙏and look forward.
One of the last things Ron said before he died was that there was a lot he didn’t understand. Maybe he does now . . .
But what you said about looking forward – the Lord has been speaking hard to me about that!
Love this Cindy. Really puts everything in perspective. We all need the faith to just let go and let God. ❤️
A LOT easier said than done sometimes for me . . . but I’m working on it!
As we grow older, we begin to realize we don’t need to ask why but who is the One to lean on. Thank you for your poignant message, Cindy.
You’re so welcome, Sherrill. Always a joy to hear from you!
loving the deep truth about His knowing, my wanting to know and how faith unites us with Him when we trust, just trust His goodness and love. And I love you sweet sister, one who writes these incredibly spirit and hope provoking prayers.!!!!
I love how you phrased this about His knowing and our wanting to know!!
Oh, YES!! Thank you for sharing your life walk with us! Blessings abound all around us if we just stop and take time to look for them!
You are so right, Kay!
As always, my dear friend, I am quietly saying, “Amen!” under my breath as I read each line! The cyclical, crazy trudging from shock to trust, back to shock and then finally collapsing into trust again…because there’s really no other place you want to be! I’ve told you before how much your writing blesses me. I gladly say it again!
You, dear friend, are an encourager extraordinaire! Thank you.
There is only one who has all the answers and we shall never learn more than what HE has set forth for our lives. Hard to understand but the only explanation for life occurrences we think should not take place.
You are very insightful Ms Cindy.
Take Care and Merry CHRISTmas…
“Coach”
Merry Christmas to you and Betty, Coach Huss!